Thanksgiving Musings, 2005 - November 20, 2005
Sometime in my childhood my mom, dad, sister Deborah and I began a seasonal ritual of heading down to Silver Spring, MD from Fort Lee, NJ to spend Thanksgiving with Aunt Lucille and Uncle Eli, Aunt Gloria and Uncle Julie and their respective children, my "cousins" Larry, Bruce, Jill and Michael. These family members were not actual blood relatives. No, these fine, fun folks were somehow even better than REAL family. They were our family of choice, not family of obligation. Not that every one of my actual relatives was horrible, but several were really hard to take except in very small, infrequent doses.
Thanksgiving became my all time favorite holiday family gathering. The time of year was chilly and crisp. We jumped in piles of fallen leaves, sat around the TV and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, hiked to the nearby farm stand for hot apple cider, helped bake cranberry apple and pumpkin pies. The smells coming from Aunt Lucille's kitchen were intoxicating and calming at the same time and company was the best. Except for a few parent-child altercations ("Go to your room, Bruce!"), the three or four days of hanging out with these people were joyous and heartwarming. I loved to witness my father's "high" from simply being around his friends. They called him "Uncle Who" (long story). The laughter is what I remember and cherish the most. It was my first understanding that "family" can be (and, ideally, should be) people you want and choose to accompany you through life's rollercoaster ride. People who are gladly and willingly there for you. I began to realize that just because someone is a blood relative doesn't mean you have to like them or love them or desire to be with them. And it's okay if your real relatives aren't crazy about you! What a revelation.
These days, Thanksgiving is still my favorite of holidays ... whether I'm actively participating in the fanfare, or simply basking in memories and savoring them from the sidelines. Since I've been in California, I've occasionally ventured to "do" the cooking and hosting, myself. Opening it up to all of the "orphans and strays" among my family and friends who happen to be around and want to join in. And sometimes I spend Thanksgiving in a more solitary, reflective state. And that can be a healing thing, as well.
I have very few REAL family members left. Mom and Dad are gone. Sister Deb lives WAY over the river and through the woods in Syracuse, NY. I haven't seen her in almost two years! I've got two cherished first cousins with whom I try to stay in frequent touch. But everyone's grown up now. They have their own individual lives and circumstances and commitments and they don't often intersect with mine. At least not often enough. It's really hard to keep up and easy to get lost in the day to day STUFF of life. Sadly, I've lost touch with most of the Silver Spring gang ... tho' Bruce lives with his wife in nearby Marin County, and occasionally our paths cross. These days, significant occasions are most often spent with my very extended "chosen" family of special people whom I'm blessed to call my friends. Brothers ... sisters .. loving comrades in arms. What a gift it is to have two sets of family in my life.
I miss my former REAL family. I miss my parents more than my heart can bear at times. I miss my sister. I miss the way things used to be. I wish that I could time-travel back to Silver Spring for just one more visit with the old Thanksgiving gang. To taste Aunt Lucille's "experimental" peanut soup (never my favorite - but maybe I'd appreciate it more now, as an adult). To hear my father's contagious laughter. To sample my mother's cranberry apple pie. To smell the musty smells of late autumn and to jump in the leaves with the other kids.
But, I am so grateful to have those memories. And I'm so grateful that I found out at a relatively early age in life that "family" trees can take root and flourish wherever you choose to plant them. Just add love and care ... and watch them grow.
Thanksgiving became my all time favorite holiday family gathering. The time of year was chilly and crisp. We jumped in piles of fallen leaves, sat around the TV and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, hiked to the nearby farm stand for hot apple cider, helped bake cranberry apple and pumpkin pies. The smells coming from Aunt Lucille's kitchen were intoxicating and calming at the same time and company was the best. Except for a few parent-child altercations ("Go to your room, Bruce!"), the three or four days of hanging out with these people were joyous and heartwarming. I loved to witness my father's "high" from simply being around his friends. They called him "Uncle Who" (long story). The laughter is what I remember and cherish the most. It was my first understanding that "family" can be (and, ideally, should be) people you want and choose to accompany you through life's rollercoaster ride. People who are gladly and willingly there for you. I began to realize that just because someone is a blood relative doesn't mean you have to like them or love them or desire to be with them. And it's okay if your real relatives aren't crazy about you! What a revelation.
These days, Thanksgiving is still my favorite of holidays ... whether I'm actively participating in the fanfare, or simply basking in memories and savoring them from the sidelines. Since I've been in California, I've occasionally ventured to "do" the cooking and hosting, myself. Opening it up to all of the "orphans and strays" among my family and friends who happen to be around and want to join in. And sometimes I spend Thanksgiving in a more solitary, reflective state. And that can be a healing thing, as well.
I have very few REAL family members left. Mom and Dad are gone. Sister Deb lives WAY over the river and through the woods in Syracuse, NY. I haven't seen her in almost two years! I've got two cherished first cousins with whom I try to stay in frequent touch. But everyone's grown up now. They have their own individual lives and circumstances and commitments and they don't often intersect with mine. At least not often enough. It's really hard to keep up and easy to get lost in the day to day STUFF of life. Sadly, I've lost touch with most of the Silver Spring gang ... tho' Bruce lives with his wife in nearby Marin County, and occasionally our paths cross. These days, significant occasions are most often spent with my very extended "chosen" family of special people whom I'm blessed to call my friends. Brothers ... sisters .. loving comrades in arms. What a gift it is to have two sets of family in my life.
I miss my former REAL family. I miss my parents more than my heart can bear at times. I miss my sister. I miss the way things used to be. I wish that I could time-travel back to Silver Spring for just one more visit with the old Thanksgiving gang. To taste Aunt Lucille's "experimental" peanut soup (never my favorite - but maybe I'd appreciate it more now, as an adult). To hear my father's contagious laughter. To sample my mother's cranberry apple pie. To smell the musty smells of late autumn and to jump in the leaves with the other kids.
But, I am so grateful to have those memories. And I'm so grateful that I found out at a relatively early age in life that "family" trees can take root and flourish wherever you choose to plant them. Just add love and care ... and watch them grow.